7 posts tagged “story”

Since we lost Wrangler (something I still really can't fully talk about) we've kept our eyes on Craigslist and the local shelters. Though Rain does not have the history I do, she understood that since my first memory, I've always had dogs. It's built into my psyche. Not only do I feel unsafe without them but...the loss of that leaves me feeling not quite whole. So though we just lost Wrangler, we understood that Maddie still has mouth cancer and it is an inevitability that we will lose her as well. We wanted to take in another dog before that happens. That way, Maddie would help keep the new dog in line and when that terrible time comes that we have to put her down because the tumor is too large in her mouth, we'll be forced to not close ourselves off. After all, that dog would be there to remind us that though the loss is substantial, the relationships are worthwhile.

With that in mind, we had been looking forward to the Super Adoption event that was held this last Saturday. Shelters from all around the area would bring hundreds of cats and dogs to the event, already spayed, microchipped, and ready to go home. Because Rain worked the night before, Tabby and I took my sis and we went and looked for ourselves first. At first, I was disappointed since there were very few dogs that met what we were looking for. We wanted a large breed dog because I've never liked small dogs and we wanted a senior, because they tend to be so well mannered already and so few people are willing to even consider them. The problem was that the shelters were bringing only the dogs they thought most likely to be adopted. That meant small and young. I only saw one dog there that they admitted was a senior (out of hundreds, remember) and there was perhaps three or four that would qualify for our definition of large (80 pounds or so). On our first round, we were just looking for what was available. A little dog with an adorable face caught our attention the first time but we still went around the second time. I asked the staff after possible dogs left at the shelters that would meet our hopes. There were exceedingly few. One was a golden lab that was undergoing heartworm treatment, the exact same thing that we just lost Wrangler to. The staff woman tried to write it off as being something minor, though the dog had just begun, and in some ways I was angry because it belittled the loss and the threat these dogs represent to the community but I was also saddened because I have been hearing more and more about other heartworm cases. The main reason we put Wrangler down when we did was because his threat to the community. But because of the dogs being brought here after Katrina and the laxadaisical attitude people hold for its seriousness, it looks to be spreading anyway.

We would have left then but I remembered that small dog that had caught our eye. Within a few short minutes he had won our hearts. He is much smaller then any dog I'd usually consider, though some referred to him as large. He's 25 pounds and they told us he was 8 months old. In many ways, he was the opposite of everything we were looking for. But there was something in his eyes. We ended up adopting him. Soon after, we found out that in fact, he was not 8 months, that he was much closer to 5 1/2 months. That's the youngest dog my family has had since I was 11 and a rott pup followed me home. Also, he has the promise of getting much larger. Perhaps 4 inches taller and 20 pounds heavier, which makes us happy. He's really adorable and though he and Maddie had a rough beginning, they now get alone splendidly. He has yet to show very bad habits beyond a tendency to be mouthy when playing and jump up toward the table when there's food.

We will have him tested for heartworm ASAP.

In good news, something strange has happened with Maddie's tumor. It seems to have receeded. It no longer looks angry and she can close her mouth all the way again. It seems to be pulling away from the jaw and though it sound weird, it looks like if it continues to do that....that it'd fall off. It's the oddest thing but where the molar used to be almost fully encased, the tumor has pulled back, exposing the whole thing and allowing the top teeth to clench without causing problem. We tried to get a picture but were unable to. It seems very possible that the doxy (antibiotic) we're giving her is helping. Wouldn't that be an irony? That the simple med that was the first, supposedly-easy step for treating Wrangler, and the reason he had to be put down, might actually extend Maddie's life, something that we were told was little more than impossible?

We'll see.

Pics.

 

 

As many of you know, I am involved in many fandoms. Not a terribly active member in most but I do enjoy discussing things with other fans or reading a good fanfic. I understand many of the native dialects and can enjoy a good flight of fancy where you discuss fandom as if it's of great importance. Yes, I can understand this. However, there is something that has continually left me puzzled.

That is when people cannot disconnect the STORY or CHARACTERS from the ACTORS. For example, you're discussing how Ivanova had such a funny relationship with Garibaldi in the Babylon 5 fandom.

And then someone replies, "well I heard Claudia Christian can barely stand Jerry Doyle. He's such a jerk."

Um, ok. I guess I could kind of get the crossover. I mean yeah, they had to act together so I guess that's remarking on how hard it must have been for Claudia Christian to make their characters' relationship seem happy but I thought we were discussing the story not the. -

Someone else replies, "Yeah, Garibaldi is such a jerk."

Wait, what? Oh, I see, it's one of those times where the Actor Is the Character, right? Huh, seems to happen a lot around these parts.

Or how about in the Lord of the Rings fandom for example.

Starting topic "Do you guys believe that there might be any goodness left in Gollum? Or did the ring just totally taken him over years ago? Do you have any sympathy for this character?"

Reply: "Well, Elijah said that Gollum was just evil incarnate. So really how could you have any sympathy for him?"

Oh great, now we've crossed the line even further. Not only the Actor is the Character but now he has secret knowledge of EVERYTHING. His word is law. You know what, if he says he always felt Elrond had a thing for his own daughter, well then that's canon, huh?

Is it so hard to differentiate between STORY and CHARACTER and PRODUCTION and ACTOR? When you are discussing the story and character, that does not mean you bring in production and actor. Vice-versa! No, I'm sorry, actors do not have secret knowledge into the workings of the fandom world. They are not their characters and even if they were, they wouldn't know all this shit. I can kind of see having this reaction to the writers since they created the story and characters but for some god-awful reason, in half the fandoms, they seem to forget there are writers entirely. For gods' sake, if you believe every actor put that much attention into his charactor nonetheless other characters, you are seriously mistaken people. And even then that would be one opinion on the story. Really, the actors opinion on the story or character has no more weight behind it than a fan's. In fact, it might have less because, show of hands how many people think the actors pay as much attention to this crap as the fans?If you have your hand up, I must ask how many actors you know. Most are more concerned with how their acting appears than the deeper workings of plot. Half of them only watch their shows/movies a couple times, if that, and believe me they are mostly just watching themselves. Actor friends, that is not meant as an insult, that is the reality of your job. An actors job is to convince the audience solely of his/her own performance. Once they start concerning themselves with more they're things like. . . directors and writers. You know, those people that generally don't exist.

Obviously, this is why I do not feel any urge to ever attend a con. Why? Because when I see the actors I do not believe I am seeing the characters. I'm not going to go up to them and ask for their signature meanwhile asking if they ever had any sort of "thing" with this other character. They are ACTORS, people. Actors. They might be good ones (sometimes) but no matter how good they are, they are not the CHARACTERS. And, you know what? I find it just a bit freaky that so many people have a problem understanding this concept.

 "You know, it'd be really nice to have a discussion about Peter Pettigrew without just going off on how terrible he is. Yeah, he betrayed people but I think he'd be a really interesting character to discuss. Do you think that after the initial loss that he might have just given up? Maybe he went insane. Was there any sympathy to the character at all? I mean a guy just doesn't suddenly turn like that."

"Well, maybe there was more to it but he really is unforgivable. Daniel Radcliff said it too."

I give up.

*Clears Throat* "You know, I heard Hugo Weaving say that Elrond always had a thing for his own...."

(Yes, this is certainly inspired by something recent. No, it happened in none of the fandoms I mentioned though they have had their moments too. None of this dialogue was taken from anywhere. I made it up to make a point. No I don't believe Elrond had a thing for Arwen. Eww.  No I don't believe everyone at Cons can't tell the difference between Fandom and RL. These are generalities.) 

 

As much as I love writing, I love reading. In particular, I enjoy reading unpublished works and occasionally giving helpful feedback to their authors. Most of this is fanfiction and fanfiction writers. Despite the fact that many turn their noses up at that medium, I’ve found it to be a great playground for writers. I know that I am the writer I am today because of fanfiction. I’ve been writing original work for years and years but it was through fanfiction that I was first required to write for an audience. That causes a writer to learn from their mistakes a lot sooner than if we are well set in our ways before letting anyone ever see it.

 

Often, I see the same mistakes commited from writer to writer in the works I read. It’s such a shame when the story and the writer show such promise but both are limited by lessons they have yet to learn. It doesn’t help when the other people reading it are writers that commit the same little sins. These are things we’ve all done. Sometimes, we work it out ourselves and other times we are given a tip from our fellow writer that just turns on that proverbial light bulb. I’ve had both those experiences but I’ve always preferred the tip from my fellow writer. Mainly because of the time it saves me and how it immediately improves my writing.

 

That is why I’m writing this. I hope to share some of those little tips with you. I won’t focus on minute grammar since you all can search up any grammar site and have it explained far better than I could manage. You don’t need tips from a fellow writer on how to deal with that. Instead, we’ll focus on how to reach out to the reader and how to improve our storytelling qualities.

 

This post will center on dialogue.

 

He Said, She Said

 

One of my favorite things in my writing and reading is dialogue. It furthers the plot and character. It also helps for the reader to feel familiar with the characters in a way exposition can’t accomplish. At least, that is the case when it is done correctly.

 

Don’t worry. I’m not going to lecture you on what you contain inside your dialogue. How could I? However, I do have a couple tips of how to best present it.

 

Timing –

 

Dialogue is its own form of action. Thus it has its own egg timer like any other action. If the exchange is quick, there shouldn’t be much else clogging up the dialogue. Don’t be afraid to leave some dialogue alone. You can go up to half a page with no identifiers at all.

 

For example:

 

“Quick! Tell me where the keys are!”

“Why do you need the keys?”

“Look, I don’t have time for-.”

“I don’t like your tone, Missy.”

“…Excuse me, Mrs. Robinson. Might you please hand me those keys, Ma’am? With great haste, perchance, Ma’am.”

“…Now you’re being cheeky.”

“Come on, you fat cow!”

 

Now, that’s just an example I wrote off the top of my head. However, do you truly think it’d be better writing for me to include description of Alexandra’s beating heart and heaving breath? Or how about an in-depth description of Miss Robinson’s lazy expression and how much that has annoyed Alexandra through the years? If that’s terribly important to the plot, perhaps include it at some other point, where the timing is more fitting for exposition. But I think that the dialogue got most of that across itself, with no bulk muffling the exchange.

 

Also, the more fluff we put in-between statement and response, the more we run the risk of our reader forgetting what the first statement actually was. We don’t want our reader to have to search back to figure out what they forgot. But if we cannot avoid a piece of exposition between question and answer, our best friend is repetition.

 

Example:

 

“Quick! Tell me where the keys are!” Alexandra tried her best to gasp for breath quietly. She knew Mrs. Robinson couldn’t stand the sound and was susceptible to needless interrogation; especially when she believed time was of the essence. The woman turned a lazy expression on her and she knew that to be exactly what was going to happen. She had to swallow the sudden urge to jump across the room and strangle the woman. But violence would require time and she was painfully aware of every second wasted.

 

“Tell you where the keys are? Why?”

 

It’s a small addition but it keeps your reader from becoming annoyed with your little bit of exposition.

 

Invisible Words, Soft Words, Loud Words –

 

I’m not saying that all dialogue should be unaccompanied. Not at all. I mean, any writer immediately thinks of those scenes where there are more than two speakers. Those can be terrible for a writer. We sit there, pulling out our hair, and tormenting ourselves over how to make a group conversation feel natural and flow. It’s so easy to feel as if we’re overusing names or ‘said.’ Then we start getting creative. We start using, “the red-haired woman posed,” or, “the gangly boy exclaimed,” or “her best friend queried.” That just confuses our reader even more. We may start out with four characters having a conversation but with all the other ways we identify them, it seems like we have a dozen people in the room: all posing, exclaiming, and querying. We’ve just done exactly the opposite of what we were going for.

 

Where we went wrong was LOUD word overload. I’m speaking from personal experience here. I committed this sin often enough in the past. The only excuse I have is that I was young and foolish and those brash words had such sexy spunk.

 

Loud words:

 

Shouted, hissed, quipped, snapped, interrogated . . . words rarely having reason to be used. 

 

What we were really looking for are invisible and soft words. Don’t worry if you are asking yourself what those are. After all, they’re invisible and soft. They aren’t as showy and in your face as LOUD words.

 

Invisible words:

 

The, And, Said, Ask, She, He, They . . .

 

Soft words:

 

Replied, whispered, answered, but, stated, both . . .

 

Invisible can be applied to words that we are so accustomed to seeing and have such a fundamental place in our language that our minds take in their information without ever really noticing them. They sneak into the reader’s mind and make sure they get it right without the reader ever truly realizing they were there.

 

Soft is applied to words that we notice but are quick to forget.

 

For example: Which is better?

 

“It’s such a beautiful morning,” she said and he joined her at the window.

“Yes, it is.”

“Mornings like this make me feel so happy.”

“I can tell,” he whispered with a little smile.

She returned it.

“You want to take a walk?” he asked.

She nodded with smile widening.

 

OR

 

“It’s such a beautiful morning,” the woman announced causing the man to join her at the window.

“Yes, it is,” he replied.

“Mornings like this make me feel so happy,” she confided to him.

“I can tell,” he stated. The man smiled a little and she returned it.

“You want to take a walk?” the man queried.

 

I hope you picked the first one. That one pushes the dialogue to the forefront. It doesn’t clog the image and sound with unneeded creativity. Would we know he was replying if we weren’t told? Would we realize she was confiding in him if we weren’t told? Of course, we would. Not only do those words POP out to us when we come across them, but they are needless. I’m sure you understand what I’m saying there, so let’s take that a step further.

 

Names or Is Your Character Schizophrenic?

 

Know what else becomes an invisible word? Names. If our main character’s name is Charlie, after a while, the reader will pick up when we are talking about Charlie without really seeing the name. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there. That’s just saying that it becomes one of those fabulous and oh-so-friendly invisible words. Unfortunately, I can’t illustrate that since an example would be too short for the word to become invisible, but take my word for it that it will within a couple pages. This holds true for supporting characters, as well; even if it might feel like the name is long or too proper.

 

An example could be taken from a fanfic I read a few days ago: Insidious by Grainne. It’s a very good fanfic and I recommend it. In this case, I use the name of one of the characters as an example.

 

 Mrs. Mountbatten-Woolley-St. John-Blye

 

Yes, that is the name of one of the characters. It is mentioned many times despite it being a mouthful. Personally, I like saying it to myself. But I’m weird and I think that’s pre-established by the fact that I’m writing this thing as a break from my novel. I digress. With repetition, even THAT name becomes invisible. Well, not completely invisible but damn close. My mind notes it but my eyes slide right over it.

 

Though you may feel that a reader will get sick of the name, don’t use different variations or come up with tons of descriptions to take that name’s place. If you’re referring to the character by half a dozen different names and terms, none of them will become invisible and it’ll seem like you’re talking about a dozen different characters. A character should not be referred to beyond two identifiers. That’s not including the rare situation where they must be referred to as woman or man, mother or father, sister or brother . . .

 

A literary example would be taken from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

 

Miss Bennet – Jane- Sister

 

That character does not need to be referred to as:

the beautiful woman

the shy lady

the blonde

Miss Jane

Jane Bennet

 

Those are needless attempts at variation and a cheap shot at character description.

 

Pulling those together -

 

Now you may be thinking, “But without those variations, it seems so bland! There has to be a place for loud words!” To drive the idea home, it’s probably exclaimed like that: definite use of loud word, by the way.

 

Of course there are places for loud words. But there shouldn’t be more than a handful spread out over each conversation. Just try to use more soft words and invisible words.

 

An Example:

 

“I wish he wouldn’t do that,” Betty whispered.

Jessica glanced around the room before leaning closer. “Who?”

“Jamal,” she said.

“What’s he doing?”

“Flirting with every warm body in the room but me.” She sounded spiteful and was quite aware of it. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself.

“Maybe he didn’t see you.”

“He saw me.”

“How do you know? Maybe you need to get his attention.”

“No,” she said even while realizing what was about to happen only a second before the fact.

“Oy! Jamal!” Jessica shouted and waved at him. “Yeah, over here.”

“I’m going to kill you,” she hissed but her sister seemed unconcerned.

“You’re welcome.”

 

Did you notice the loud words? There were only two of them: Shouted and Hissed. One right after the other. Loud words tend to sprout other ones. Makes sense really. If someone shouts at you, aren’t you likely to shout back? I know I am. Did you notice the soft word in there? Whispered. I only used two loud words and one soft word though the dialogue jumps back and forth twelve times. The reader’s smart. We don’t need to tell them the force and emotion in every little statement; only the ones where the force and emotion matter. And I didn’t come up with a new descriptor for the two girls every time they talked. I used: she, Betty, sister, and Jessica. There’s absolutely no need for more than that.

 

Only One More Point, I swear!

 

Perhaps we need to identify who’s talking but we’re sick of ‘said’ and there’s no need for loud words. There’s another way to identify who’s talking in dialogue without sticking some modifier on the end or leaving it completely hanging.

 

I illustrated it above.  We do so by including a sentence or even a couple that gives the reader direction of the speaker and/or the tone.

 

The example:

 

“Flirting with every warm body in the room but me.” She sounded spiteful and was quite aware of it. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself.

“Maybe he didn’t see you.”

 

Notice how it has both the advantage of no identifier tacked on the end while still directing the reader’s interpretation. Isn’t that handy? The only threat with that is using it too often and making the dialogue too bulky or going on too long and ending up with a bit of exposition where it doesn’t belong.

 

Putting These to Use -

 

This is a pretty big post when the overall point is to trim down when presenting your dialogue. And I certainly don’t mean to be condescending. I have committed all these sins in the past. I learned how to see and overcome them through practice and the guidance of other writers. I want to offer these tips of what I have learned because it has vastly improved my writing and at some point, some writer was kind enough to do the same for me. Everyone’s style is different and that’s great. I’m not trying to make you write like me. How boring would that be? No, this is merely illustrating good bone structure. What you mold onto it is what makes a good writer and what makes a great story. I’m putting this out there in the hope that I can help others in the same way that other writers have helped me.

 

Go, little birdie, write some great dialogue for me to later read and enjoy. I’ll be in the kitchen getting some Ibuprofen.

Someone mixed Requiem for a Dream with Toy Story. OMG!

 

 

Someone had dirty thoughts . . .and the world was created. Wait, that's not how it goes? Anyways, my sis has this book called In the Beginning, by Steve Turner.

 

 

Now, the story tells the Christian Creation story in a simple poetic way that is meant to be an easy read. However, does anyone read this progression and not laugh their asses off?

Starts innocently enough with:

 

God said FUR

 

And the jungle ROARED

 

God said SKIN

 

 

And the man breathed AIR

 

God said BONE

And the girl stood there.

 

 

On the Back of the Book: Here is the story of the creation of the world ... which provides one of the very best reasons ever for not always getting up early.

 

Alright . . .come on, people! Is that not funny or what? Wow!

I haven't made a post on Vox for forever! I mean, it must have been days! I'm sorry. I've been busy doing . . . Stuff. Yeah, stuff. Stuff is nice and ambigious. Does stuff mean secret stuff? Does stuff mean boring stuff? Does stuff mean I set the kitchen on fire and I'm praying to god the paint dries before my parents see it?

I'll never tell.

However, I will amuse you all with some of the disturbing annoying cute weird things my sister has done. Mainly, she's taken to getting ahold of the camera. And taking pictures. And video. The last time she got a hold of the camera real good, remember she took a picture of my mom taking her bra off. Which was really funny as hell bad. And the bad or good thing with digital cameras is that you can take a huge load of pictures and not run out of film. You don't even want to know how many pictures I had to delete. However, I will share some of the pictures she took with you. How about some nice ones that she took of the christmas trees and their ornaments?

 

Ooh, nice and pretty, huh?

 

Aww, a little ornament wishing merry christmas.

 

 

Oh, what a cute penguin phoenix damn it i know it starts with p! peacock ornament!

And then we apparently go on to take random pictures of the big screen tv. Let's make a story to them shall we?

 

HAGRID: Oy, Harry, you alright? You look like you're going to be sick!

HERMIONE: Harry, you didn't!

RON: Didn't what?

 

DRACO: (struts into group) Potter, you bitch. I told you not to eat that. I mean, bloody fucking hell, Goyle sat on it! Even Longbottom's not that daft! 

HARRY: (gasping) I didn't do that, Malfoy you prick.

HERMIONE: (Gasps dramatically) then you . . .No, no, no . . .

 

HAGRID: If someone don't start making some sense around here . . . What's that blonde lady doing here?

 

 

DRACO: (whiney) Mo-o-m!

 

 

 

NARCISSA: Well, I'm sorry, my little ickle-bickle-pickle. But after that mean ol' mudblood bitch broke your nose in this movie, I called a Death Eaters' meeting. But since I was throwing it and not your father (sigh) it was much more corporate. And there were brownies, of course. That pleaded for their life until they desolved in the stomach acid of the Eater. Yeah, beat that Martha Stewart . . .

 

NARCISSA: So, we flew out some old people from Chicago to watch your back. Death Eater funds aren't what they used to be since that Potter boy killed the Dark Lord . . . again. Merlin, how many times can a . . .

DRACO: Mum, you flew out some OLD AMERICANS from CHICAGO to watch my back?

NARCISSA: He is a man with a grumpy shell but a golden heart. She's a woman who understands and will lend a strange quote at the right moment with sappy music playing in the background. The musicians are flying on carpets from Argentina.

 

 

 

HERMIONE: Umm . . . Yeah. So. . . .Harry, back to you . . .

DRACO: Figures.

HARRY: Shut up, Malfoy.

DRACO: Golden boy.

HARRY: Priss

DRACO: Dick

HARRY: Puff!

DRACO: Teacher's pet.

HARRY: My bitch! 

DRACO: (gasp) Harry, you bloody prick, I haven't told my mum yet!

NARCISSA: Hunny bunny, I knew the moment you told your father as a toddler you wanted to grow up to be Mrs. Riddle. You should have saw your father's and my face. 

 

 

HERMIONE: So, Harry, what got you so sick then?

HARRY: I just watched Professor Lupin meet Tonk's family. It was so hard not to laugh when Tonk's mom asked, "So weren't you shagging my nephew?" that I ran all the way down here and nearly threw up.

 

 

RON: Kinda anti-climactic.

DRACO: You have to get used to that with Harry.

NARCISSA: You have a bit of something on your nose, ickle-bickle-pickle.

DRACO: Thanks, mum.

HARRY: Ickle-bickle-pickle

DRACO: When did you say the flight from Chicago was, mum? 

What were you afraid of as a child that seems silly to you now?
Submitted by navelgazer.

Well, it's not so silly, I suppose. It's a funny story now.

When I was a very little girl in Santa Cruz (so I was 2 at the time and my brother was 8), my brother's friend came to me and told me that there were kittens in my bedroom. Yes, I was so traumatized by this that I still have a little bit of memory from it. And he told me that we had to be quiet and peek in through my window. So I did so and that's when my brother jumped up, screaming, in a monster mask. I went screaming to my parents, "Monstabittame! Monstabittame!" Translation: Monster Bite-a Me!

Needless to say, my brother was in serious trouble. And I didn't sleep in that room for a year.