2 posts tagged “names”
As much as I love writing, I love reading. In particular, I enjoy reading unpublished works and occasionally giving helpful feedback to their authors. Most of this is fanfiction and fanfiction writers. Despite the fact that many turn their noses up at that medium, I’ve found it to be a great playground for writers. I know that I am the writer I am today because of fanfiction. I’ve been writing original work for years and years but it was through fanfiction that I was first required to write for an audience. That causes a writer to learn from their mistakes a lot sooner than if we are well set in our ways before letting anyone ever see it.
Often, I see the same mistakes commited from writer to writer in the works I read. It’s such a shame when the story and the writer show such promise but both are limited by lessons they have yet to learn. It doesn’t help when the other people reading it are writers that commit the same little sins. These are things we’ve all done. Sometimes, we work it out ourselves and other times we are given a tip from our fellow writer that just turns on that proverbial light bulb. I’ve had both those experiences but I’ve always preferred the tip from my fellow writer. Mainly because of the time it saves me and how it immediately improves my writing.
That is why I’m writing this. I hope to share some of those little tips with you. I won’t focus on minute grammar since you all can search up any grammar site and have it explained far better than I could manage. You don’t need tips from a fellow writer on how to deal with that. Instead, we’ll focus on how to reach out to the reader and how to improve our storytelling qualities.
This post will center on dialogue.
He Said, She Said
One of my favorite things in my writing and reading is dialogue. It furthers the plot and character. It also helps for the reader to feel familiar with the characters in a way exposition can’t accomplish. At least, that is the case when it is done correctly.
Don’t worry. I’m not going to lecture you on what you contain inside your dialogue. How could I? However, I do have a couple tips of how to best present it.
Timing –
Dialogue is its own form of action. Thus it has its own egg timer like any other action. If the exchange is quick, there shouldn’t be much else clogging up the dialogue. Don’t be afraid to leave some dialogue alone. You can go up to half a page with no identifiers at all.
For example:
“Quick! Tell me where the keys are!”
“Why do you need the keys?”
“Look, I don’t have time for-.”
“I don’t like your tone, Missy.”
“…Excuse me, Mrs. Robinson. Might you please hand me those keys, Ma’am? With great haste, perchance, Ma’am.”
“…Now you’re being cheeky.”
“Come on, you fat cow!”
Now, that’s just an example I wrote off the top of my head. However, do you truly think it’d be better writing for me to include description of Alexandra’s beating heart and heaving breath? Or how about an in-depth description of Miss Robinson’s lazy expression and how much that has annoyed Alexandra through the years? If that’s terribly important to the plot, perhaps include it at some other point, where the timing is more fitting for exposition. But I think that the dialogue got most of that across itself, with no bulk muffling the exchange.
Also, the more fluff we put in-between statement and response, the more we run the risk of our reader forgetting what the first statement actually was. We don’t want our reader to have to search back to figure out what they forgot. But if we cannot avoid a piece of exposition between question and answer, our best friend is repetition.
Example:
“Quick! Tell me where the keys are!” Alexandra tried her best to gasp for breath quietly. She knew Mrs. Robinson couldn’t stand the sound and was susceptible to needless interrogation; especially when she believed time was of the essence. The woman turned a lazy expression on her and she knew that to be exactly what was going to happen. She had to swallow the sudden urge to jump across the room and strangle the woman. But violence would require time and she was painfully aware of every second wasted.
“Tell you where the keys are? Why?”
It’s a small addition but it keeps your reader from becoming annoyed with your little bit of exposition.
Invisible Words, Soft Words, Loud Words –
I’m not saying that all dialogue should be unaccompanied. Not at all. I mean, any writer immediately thinks of those scenes where there are more than two speakers. Those can be terrible for a writer. We sit there, pulling out our hair, and tormenting ourselves over how to make a group conversation feel natural and flow. It’s so easy to feel as if we’re overusing names or ‘said.’ Then we start getting creative. We start using, “the red-haired woman posed,” or, “the gangly boy exclaimed,” or “her best friend queried.” That just confuses our reader even more. We may start out with four characters having a conversation but with all the other ways we identify them, it seems like we have a dozen people in the room: all posing, exclaiming, and querying. We’ve just done exactly the opposite of what we were going for.
Where we went wrong was LOUD word overload. I’m speaking from personal experience here. I committed this sin often enough in the past. The only excuse I have is that I was young and foolish and those brash words had such sexy spunk.
Loud words:
Shouted, hissed, quipped, snapped, interrogated . . . words rarely having reason to be used.
What we were really looking for are invisible and soft words. Don’t worry if you are asking yourself what those are. After all, they’re invisible and soft. They aren’t as showy and in your face as LOUD words.
Invisible words:
The, And, Said, Ask, She, He, They . . .
Soft words:
Replied, whispered, answered, but, stated, both . . .
Invisible can be applied to words that we are so accustomed to seeing and have such a fundamental place in our language that our minds take in their information without ever really noticing them. They sneak into the reader’s mind and make sure they get it right without the reader ever truly realizing they were there.
Soft is applied to words that we notice but are quick to forget.
For example: Which is better?
“It’s such a beautiful morning,” she said and he joined her at the window.
“Yes, it is.”
“Mornings like this make me feel so happy.”
“I can tell,” he whispered with a little smile.
She returned it.
“You want to take a walk?” he asked.
She nodded with smile widening.
OR
“It’s such a beautiful morning,” the woman announced causing the man to join her at the window.
“Yes, it is,” he replied.
“Mornings like this make me feel so happy,” she confided to him.
“I can tell,” he stated. The man smiled a little and she returned it.
“You want to take a walk?” the man queried.
I hope you picked the first one. That one pushes the dialogue to the forefront. It doesn’t clog the image and sound with unneeded creativity. Would we know he was replying if we weren’t told? Would we realize she was confiding in him if we weren’t told? Of course, we would. Not only do those words POP out to us when we come across them, but they are needless. I’m sure you understand what I’m saying there, so let’s take that a step further.
Names or Is Your Character Schizophrenic?
Know what else becomes an invisible word? Names. If our main character’s name is Charlie, after a while, the reader will pick up when we are talking about Charlie without really seeing the name. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there. That’s just saying that it becomes one of those fabulous and oh-so-friendly invisible words. Unfortunately, I can’t illustrate that since an example would be too short for the word to become invisible, but take my word for it that it will within a couple pages. This holds true for supporting characters, as well; even if it might feel like the name is long or too proper.
An example could be taken from a fanfic I read a few days ago: Insidious by Grainne. It’s a very good fanfic and I recommend it. In this case, I use the name of one of the characters as an example.
Mrs. Mountbatten-Woolley-St. John-Blye
Yes, that is the name of one of the characters. It is mentioned many times despite it being a mouthful. Personally, I like saying it to myself. But I’m weird and I think that’s pre-established by the fact that I’m writing this thing as a break from my novel. I digress. With repetition, even THAT name becomes invisible. Well, not completely invisible but damn close. My mind notes it but my eyes slide right over it.
Though you may feel that a reader will get sick of the name, don’t use different variations or come up with tons of descriptions to take that name’s place. If you’re referring to the character by half a dozen different names and terms, none of them will become invisible and it’ll seem like you’re talking about a dozen different characters. A character should not be referred to beyond two identifiers. That’s not including the rare situation where they must be referred to as woman or man, mother or father, sister or brother . . .
A literary example would be taken from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Miss Bennet – Jane- Sister
That character does not need to be referred to as:
the beautiful woman
the shy lady
the blonde
Miss Jane
Jane Bennet
Those are needless attempts at variation and a cheap shot at character description.
Pulling those together -
Now you may be thinking, “But without those variations, it seems so bland! There has to be a place for loud words!” To drive the idea home, it’s probably exclaimed like that: definite use of loud word, by the way.
Of course there are places for loud words. But there shouldn’t be more than a handful spread out over each conversation. Just try to use more soft words and invisible words.
An Example:
“I wish he wouldn’t do that,” Betty whispered.
Jessica glanced around the room before leaning closer. “Who?”
“Jamal,” she said.
“What’s he doing?”
“Flirting with every warm body in the room but me.” She sounded spiteful and was quite aware of it. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself.
“Maybe he didn’t see you.”
“He saw me.”
“How do you know? Maybe you need to get his attention.”
“No,” she said even while realizing what was about to happen only a second before the fact.
“Oy! Jamal!” Jessica shouted and waved at him. “Yeah, over here.”
“I’m going to kill you,” she hissed but her sister seemed unconcerned.
“You’re welcome.”
Did you notice the loud words? There were only two of them: Shouted and Hissed. One right after the other. Loud words tend to sprout other ones. Makes sense really. If someone shouts at you, aren’t you likely to shout back? I know I am. Did you notice the soft word in there? Whispered. I only used two loud words and one soft word though the dialogue jumps back and forth twelve times. The reader’s smart. We don’t need to tell them the force and emotion in every little statement; only the ones where the force and emotion matter. And I didn’t come up with a new descriptor for the two girls every time they talked. I used: she, Betty, sister, and Jessica. There’s absolutely no need for more than that.
Only One More Point, I swear!
Perhaps we need to identify who’s talking but we’re sick of ‘said’ and there’s no need for loud words. There’s another way to identify who’s talking in dialogue without sticking some modifier on the end or leaving it completely hanging.
I illustrated it above. We do so by including a sentence or even a couple that gives the reader direction of the speaker and/or the tone.
The example:
“Flirting with every warm body in the room but me.” She sounded spiteful and was quite aware of it. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself.
“Maybe he didn’t see you.”
Notice how it has both the advantage of no identifier tacked on the end while still directing the reader’s interpretation. Isn’t that handy? The only threat with that is using it too often and making the dialogue too bulky or going on too long and ending up with a bit of exposition where it doesn’t belong.
Putting These to Use -
This is a pretty big post when the overall point is to trim down when presenting your dialogue. And I certainly don’t mean to be condescending. I have committed all these sins in the past. I learned how to see and overcome them through practice and the guidance of other writers. I want to offer these tips of what I have learned because it has vastly improved my writing and at some point, some writer was kind enough to do the same for me. Everyone’s style is different and that’s great. I’m not trying to make you write like me. How boring would that be? No, this is merely illustrating good bone structure. What you mold onto it is what makes a good writer and what makes a great story. I’m putting this out there in the hope that I can help others in the same way that other writers have helped me.
Go, little birdie, write some great dialogue for me to later read and enjoy. I’ll be in the kitchen getting some Ibuprofen.
So, what did I do yesterday (yesterday having ended an hour ago)? Well, it was a rather uneventful day over all.
I ended up sleeping like the dead until I was called to save people from the wacked out dog! She was barging into everyone's room and being a menace. I feel bad saying it because I think this is a sign that she's getting very old and may be dying soon. But considering that everyone else in the house but me was calling for her head at 8 this morning, I don't feel like such an absolutely bad person.
Siobhan's cough is really bad. Really, really bad. It's now gotten to the point where if she laughs she goes into a coughing fit. And not a dainty cough. I mean this cough has character. More so than a seven year old girl should have coming out of her body. I'm getting really, really concerned. Of course, what are we going to do? Bring her into the doctor and have them give her steroids? We do not believe that is a good idea with my health history. We're worried that she's actually gotten this from Flavia, since she works with the sick.
I ended up cleaning and then I got a call from my mom. I picked it up. She was having car trouble. Her car told her that brake failure was immenient and to stop the car immediately. Of course, she wondered what the fuck to think about this. Especially since it told her to stop but that her breaks were about to go out. She was on an onramp onto the freeway to and from one of the busiest streets in the city. She had to stop the car on the ramp. She nearly got herself killed several times. She tried calling my brother. She tried calling my father. To ask either/or what the fuck to do! Meanwhile, her car is stopped on this busy ass onramp from a busy ass street. Then she calls me. Me! I am the only one to answer a phone. I answer the phone! Me! Anyone who knows me knows how ridiculous this is. She is freaking out on the phone because she's sure she's going to get hit (Siobhan is in the car with her) but she can't take the risk of moving the car because what if she can't stop it again? She tells me to call my brother again and again until he picks up. So I hang up and I call (Yes! Me! On the phone! Again!) my brother, making sure to unblock my number so he knows it's me. I don't leave a message because he has a long ass message. I just keep calling back again and again. And just at where I'm waiting for his message to go through so that I can leave him a message to call mom so that I could hang up and call her back and figure out what's going on and that he wasn't picking up, the phone beeps telling me it's mom on the other line. So I leave a quick little message telling him, "It's really important. Call mom." I hang up and pick up her line. She's still on the ramp. Can't get my dad. She's saying, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. What should I do?" And I'm sitting there thinking, 'Could she possibly be on the phone with the worst person to be on the phone with, none the less asking car questions of?' But I try to calm her down and I tell her that I left my brother a message. She says, "Did you remind him to call me on my business cell phone because I left my main one at home?" And not only do I realize that no, I didn't tell him to call her through that cell phone, but that I didn't tell him to call her on a cell phone at all. And so, he could simply end up calling the house. So, I get off the phone with her and end up calling my brother again and saying, "This is really important. Call mom on her business cell phone." There. Done. I end up running and taking a shower. So that I could get presentable for people because mattering on how long this took, I could be greeting the guy scheduled to come by the house at 2. Finally, my mum and Siobhan end up back at the house. Hale and whole. Flavia had given them a ride.
Thus it must be officially noted:
My brother is little help.
I'm little more.
Flavia is a saint.
Figwit is an fanon abomination of all that is holy canon.
France has far too much history for my own good.
In the 18th century, the French weren't people. They were peacocks.
Yet, I digress.
Apparently, Passats have shitty breaks. Our mechanic said his son had to have new breaks put on his Passat after 15000 miles. Ours has twice that. Shit. We now need new breaks. That'll cost about 250 dollars at least. Shit. But at least Siobhan and mom were not killed by oncoming traffic. That would have been tragic and ironic. They lost their breaks but were harmed because they stopped? Well, I suppose when you lose your breaks, it's always the stopping that hurts. Still, I want people to mark the date. I was the ONLY one that picked up and spoke on the phone. I was no use in car questions, but I was asked them. Of course, it was by a remarkably desperate woman. But it still counts.
Then there was other stuff.
Then I decided that I was going to paint Noire's nails. I got two. I plan to wait until she's in the right mood, then try again. See, this is an obvious sign she loves me. She attacks peoples heads when they try to pet her belly. I try to paint her nails and she just get annoyed and gives a perfunctory hiss and I knew she was already in a bad mood. Still, I get credit for two nails claws. I only plan to do the front ones. How many front claws does the average cat have? Ironically, if she had scratched me, I'd be able to plan my next attack better from counting the claw marks. Of course, it may have messed up the polish on the two claws I did get.
I did an enormeous amount of work on research for my novel. Enormeous. So far, off the top of my head, I've studied: The Englightenment, The Revolution, Marie-Antoinette, King Louis XVI, the causes of the Revolution, top figures in France before and during Revolution, French Parlors, French Blue Stockings, Madam De Stael, Madame Jeanne Recamier, eighteenth century Fashion (both French and English), eighteenth century manners (both French and English), how to create Estate Names, 18th century first and surnames (both English and French), how monarchies and peerage works (both French and English), ranking, manners of address, manners of dress, Eunuchism, geography, working with honorable blue-blood and dishonorable blue blood, marriage laws, geneology . . . In other words a fucking lot. But I've got a great deal worked out now.
I'll probably post a bit more specifics about where I am in the novel later behind proper filters.
I had planned to ship out a couple packages today. But nope. No car. No packages. I swear, God seems to not want these people to get their packages.
I saw the Project Runway episode tonight. Ironically, it was on because my mother was in the room. But she slept through it.
Shit, my mind just went blank about the other things I wanted to post about in here.
Ah, some nice Youtube videos I've come across lately. Yes, I know I have a thing for Youtube. It's my crack. I could stop anytime I wanted to. Shut up! Stop attacking me! You don't understand me! Shut up! I hate you I hate you I hate you!
There ya go. I may have forgotten something really important. But unless it's a call for an organ donor, I'll probably survive to post about it.
