3 posts tagged “help”

It feels like this is some sort of mantra to help me get through. I think these posts have been a blessing reminder when many things are quite bad. So here's today's five things I'm thankful for.

1. Went to the SPCA today. Saw all the poor animals. I am so thankful we took Maddie home from that. I'm so thankful that we never gave her back, despite her cancer. She is one of the best dogs I've ever had.

2. I had a pretty good sleep today. I wasn't able to sleep last night but once I got to sleep today, it was nice and restful.

3. Though I've had to fight to get myself started each day -it's just one of those weeks- I have been adding to the end of my novel every day.

4. Ice cream. We had ice cream tonight. It was amazingly good.

5. I'm thankful for Aput introducing me to this group and inspiring me to make these posts. It really has helped me a lot.

As much as I love writing, I love reading. In particular, I enjoy reading unpublished works and occasionally giving helpful feedback to their authors. Most of this is fanfiction and fanfiction writers. Despite the fact that many turn their noses up at that medium, I’ve found it to be a great playground for writers. I know that I am the writer I am today because of fanfiction. I’ve been writing original work for years and years but it was through fanfiction that I was first required to write for an audience. That causes a writer to learn from their mistakes a lot sooner than if we are well set in our ways before letting anyone ever see it.

Often, I see the same mistakes commited from writer to writer in the works I read. It’s such a shame when the story and the writer show such promise but both are limited by lessons they have yet to learn. It doesn’t help when the other people reading it are writers that commit the same little sins. These are things we’ve all done. Sometimes, we work it out ourselves and other times we are given a tip from our fellow writer that just turns on that proverbial light bulb. I’ve had both those experiences but I’ve always preferred the tip from my fellow writer. Mainly because of the time it saves me and how it immediately improves my writing.

That is why I’m writing this. I hope to share some of those little tips with you. I won’t focus on minute grammar since you all can search up any grammar site and have it explained far better than I could manage. You don’t need tips from a fellow writer on how to deal with that. Instead, we’ll focus on how to reach out to the reader and how to improve our storytelling qualities.

This post will center on dialogue.

He Said, She Said

One of my favorite things in my writing and reading is dialogue. It furthers the plot and character. It also helps for the reader to feel familiar with the characters in a way exposition can’t accomplish. At least, that is the case when it is done correctly.

Don’t worry. I’m not going to lecture you on what you contain inside your dialogue. How could I? However, I do have a couple tips of how to best present it.

Timing –

Dialogue is its own form of action. Thus it has its own egg timer like any other action. If the exchange is quick, there shouldn’t be much else clogging up the dialogue. Don’t be afraid to leave some dialogue alone. You can go up to half a page with no identifiers at all.

For example:

“Quick! Tell me where the keys are!”

“Why do you need the keys?”

“Look, I don’t have time for-.”

“I don’t like your tone, Missy.”

“…Excuse me, Mrs. Robinson. Might you please hand me those keys, Ma’am? With great haste, perchance, Ma’am.”

“…Now you’re being cheeky.”

“Come on, you fat cow!”

Now, that’s just an example I wrote off the top of my head. However, do you truly think it’d be better writing for me to include description of Alexandra’s beating heart and heaving breath? Or how about an in-depth description of Miss Robinson’s lazy expression and how much that has annoyed Alexandra through the years? If that’s terribly important to the plot, perhaps include it at some other point, where the timing is more fitting for exposition. But I think that the dialogue got most of that across itself, with no bulk muffling the exchange.

Also, the more fluff we put in-between statement and response, the more we run the risk of our reader forgetting what the first statement actually was. We don’t want our reader to have to search back to figure out what they forgot. But if we cannot avoid a piece of exposition between question and answer, our best friend is repetition.

Example:

“Quick! Tell me where the keys are!” Alexandra tried her best to gasp for breath quietly. She knew Mrs. Robinson couldn’t stand the sound and was susceptible to needless interrogation; especially when she believed time was of the essence. The woman turned a lazy expression on her and she knew that to be exactly what was going to happen. She had to swallow the sudden urge to jump across the room and strangle the woman. But violence would require time and she was painfully aware of every second wasted.

 

“Tell you where the keys are? Why?”

It’s a small addition but it keeps your reader from becoming annoyed with your little bit of exposition.

Invisible Words, Soft Words, Loud Words –

I’m not saying that all dialogue should be unaccompanied. Not at all. I mean, any writer immediately thinks of those scenes where there are more than two speakers. Those can be terrible for a writer. We sit there, pulling out our hair, and tormenting ourselves over how to make a group conversation feel natural and flow. It’s so easy to feel as if we’re overusing names or ‘said.’ Then we start getting creative. We start using, “the red-haired woman posed,” or, “the gangly boy exclaimed,” or “her best friend queried.” That just confuses our reader even more. We may start out with four characters having a conversation but with all the other ways we identify them, it seems like we have a dozen people in the room: all posing, exclaiming, and querying. We’ve just done exactly the opposite of what we were going for.

Where we went wrong was LOUD word overload. I’m speaking from personal experience here. I committed this sin often enough in the past. The only excuse I have is that I was young and foolish and those brash words had such sexy spunk.

Loud words:

Shouted, hissed, quipped, snapped, interrogated . . . words rarely having reason to be used. 

What we were really looking for are invisible and soft words. Don’t worry if you are asking yourself what those are. After all, they’re invisible and soft. They aren’t as showy and in your face as LOUD words.

Invisible words:

The, And, Said, Ask, She, He, They . . .

Soft words:

Replied, whispered, answered, but, stated, both . . .

Invisible can be applied to words that we are so accustomed to seeing and have such a fundamental place in our language that our minds take in their information without ever really noticing them. They sneak into the reader’s mind and make sure they get it right without the reader ever truly realizing they were there.

Soft is applied to words that we notice but are quick to forget.

For example: Which is better?

“It’s such a beautiful morning,” she said and he joined her at the window.

“Yes, it is.”

“Mornings like this make me feel so happy.”

“I can tell,” he whispered with a little smile.

She returned it.

“You want to take a walk?” he asked.

She nodded with smile widening.

OR

“It’s such a beautiful morning,” the woman announced causing the man to join her at the window.

“Yes, it is,” he replied.

“Mornings like this make me feel so happy,” she confided to him.

“I can tell,” he stated. The man smiled a little and she returned it.

“You want to take a walk?” the man queried.

I hope you picked the first one. That one pushes the dialogue to the forefront. It doesn’t clog the image and sound with unneeded creativity. Would we know he was replying if we weren’t told? Would we realize she was confiding in him if we weren’t told? Of course, we would. Not only do those words POP out to us when we come across them, but they are needless. I’m sure you understand what I’m saying there, so let’s take that a step further.

Names or Is Your Character Schizophrenic?

Know what else becomes an invisible word? Names. If our main character’s name is Charlie, after a while, the reader will pick up when we are talking about Charlie without really seeing the name. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there. That’s just saying that it becomes one of those fabulous and oh-so-friendly invisible words. Unfortunately, I can’t illustrate that since an example would be too short for the word to become invisible, but take my word for it that it will within a couple pages. This holds true for supporting characters, as well; even if it might feel like the name is long or too proper.

An example could be taken from a fanfic I read a few days ago: Insidious by Grainne. It’s a very good fanfic and I recommend it. In this case, I use the name of one of the characters as an example.

 Mrs. Mountbatten-Woolley-St. John-Blye

Yes, that is the name of one of the characters. It is mentioned many times despite it being a mouthful. Personally, I like saying it to myself. But I’m weird and I think that’s pre-established by the fact that I’m writing this thing as a break from my novel. I digress. With repetition, even THAT name becomes invisible. Well, not completely invisible but damn close. My mind notes it but my eyes slide right over it.

Though you may feel that a reader will get sick of the name, don’t use different variations or come up with tons of descriptions to take that name’s place. If you’re referring to the character by half a dozen different names and terms, none of them will become invisible and it’ll seem like you’re talking about a dozen different characters. A character should not be referred to beyond two identifiers. That’s not including the rare situation where they must be referred to as woman or man, mother or father, sister or brother . . .

A literary example would be taken from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Miss Bennet – Jane- Sister

That character does not need to be referred to as:

the beautiful woman

the shy lady

the blonde

Miss Jane

Jane Bennet

Those are needless attempts at variation and a cheap shot at character description.

Pulling those together -

Now you may be thinking, “But without those variations, it seems so bland! There has to be a place for loud words!” To drive the idea home, it’s probably exclaimed like that: definite use of loud word, by the way.

Of course there are places for loud words. But there shouldn’t be more than a handful spread out over each conversation. Just try to use more soft words and invisible words.

An Example:

“I wish he wouldn’t do that,” Betty whispered.

Jessica glanced around the room before leaning closer. “Who?”

“Jamal,” she said.

“What’s he doing?”

“Flirting with every warm body in the room but me.” She sounded spiteful and was quite aware of it. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself.

“Maybe he didn’t see you.”

“He saw me.”

“How do you know? Maybe you need to get his attention.”

“No,” she said even while realizing what was about to happen only a second before the fact.

“Oy! Jamal!” Jessica shouted and waved at him. “Yeah, over here.”

“I’m going to kill you,” she hissed but her sister seemed unconcerned.

“You’re welcome.”

Did you notice the loud words? There were only two of them: Shouted and Hissed. One right after the other. Loud words tend to sprout other ones. Makes sense really. If someone shouts at you, aren’t you likely to shout back? I know I am. Did you notice the soft word in there? Whispered. I only used two loud words and one soft word though the dialogue jumps back and forth twelve times. The reader’s smart. We don’t need to tell them the force and emotion in every little statement; only the ones where the force and emotion matter. And I didn’t come up with a new descriptor for the two girls every time they talked. I used: she, Betty, sister, and Jessica. There’s absolutely no need for more than that.

Only One More Point, I swear!

Perhaps we need to identify who’s talking but we’re sick of ‘said’ and there’s no need for loud words. There’s another way to identify who’s talking in dialogue without sticking some modifier on the end or leaving it completely hanging.

I illustrated it above.  We do so by including a sentence or even a couple that gives the reader direction of the speaker and/or the tone.

The example:

“Flirting with every warm body in the room but me.” She sounded spiteful and was quite aware of it. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself.

“Maybe he didn’t see you.”

Notice how it has both the advantage of no identifier tacked on the end while still directing the reader’s interpretation. Isn’t that handy? The only threat with that is using it too often and making the dialogue too bulky or going on too long and ending up with a bit of exposition where it doesn’t belong.

Putting These to Use -

This is a pretty big post when the overall point is to trim down when presenting your dialogue. And I certainly don’t mean to be condescending. I have committed all these sins in the past. I learned how to see and overcome them through practice and the guidance of other writers. I want to offer these tips of what I have learned because it has vastly improved my writing and at some point, some writer was kind enough to do the same for me. Everyone’s style is different and that’s great. I’m not trying to make you write like me. How boring would that be? No, this is merely illustrating good bone structure. What you mold onto it is what makes a good writer and what makes a great story. I’m putting this out there in the hope that I can help others in the same way that other writers have helped me.

Go, little birdie, write some great dialogue for me to later read and enjoy. I’ll be in the kitchen getting some Ibuprofen.

So, after I posted this small rough draft of a dialogue from my upcoming novel, I realized something . . . Very few people realize what an author wants to know when he/she has you read a piece of her/his work. Though some authors would say that there should be a general way that anyone can review their work, I disagree. Every author is different, reacts to reviews in different ways, and reacts to words in different ways. Some authors want to know exactly what you think, no matter how you think it will affect them. Some authors want it sweeter and lighter and just all around easier to take. I believe perhaps it’d be a little easier, if each author would write a little note for her/his readers to come across, that helps them with their replies to reading the work.

Here is a little list of mine.

~*~*~*~

Don’ts:

1. Please restrain yourself from the use of the words, “interesting,” and “different,” if you are not going to elaborate why it is “interesting,” or “different.” If you are not going to elaborate and you say sentences like, “It’s interesting,” or “It’s different,” then it merely sounds as if you are trying to say something that sounds positive when you may not feel positively. It sounds like avoidance. It’s not good feedback even if it isn’t avoidance, because who’s to say that “interesting” and “different” are “good” or “bad?”
2. Don’t try to spare my feelings. I’m trying to write for an audience. I am not writing to collect an audience to read for me. Yes, I write overall for me. For me, as in the need for me to compose stories. But writers are not in a bubble. Much of the joy in writing is the interaction with the reader. The joy of communicating the story is communicating the story. The satisfaction is making the story real for the reader, making them laugh, cry, angry, making them love, hate, suspect a character that they refer to as if he/she is real. If not, I’d just keep all the stories in my head. If something is awkward and throwing off the reader, I want to know. I want to know when the story is not being communicated properly. The name, “writer,” can be deceiving. Yes, we write but what we are trying to do is tell a story. That is the most important part; how the words come together and tell this story that we conceive and compose. I’m not going to be offended should you tell me that a sentence just refuses to read right. You’re not insulting the thought or even my composition. If the writing of the word was the important part of the art, then we could just sit around and write out, “pretty,” “pretty,” “pretty,” all day long.
3. You may spare my feelings now by letting something slip, but you think a general audience that has no interest in my feelings will? If the answer is no, then you are doing me no favors.
4. Don’t choose not to reply because you think you’d sound stupid if all you can say is, “Wow, I really like it. Please write more.” I don’t think you’re stupid. You just told me you like my story, so I think you’re pretty fantastic. If you can say more do, but if you don’t say anything at all because you don’t want to sound stupid, I don’t even get that much.

~*~*~*~

Do’s:

1. Tell me what you think. Of course, everything should be taken in context. And all of these will not always apply to what is read.

Here are a few examples of prompts for reviews:

Did you enjoy it?

What part did you enjoy the most?

Which character did you like the most?

Which character did you not like?

Are you confused by anything?

Did you like the style?

Would you read it again?

Would you continue to read on?

Do you look forward to reading on?

Is there a part you did not enjoy?

Is there something you felt was missing?

Did a part make you laugh out loud?

Is there a part that made you cry?

Is there a part that made you react in some physical way while you were reading? (ex. rolling your eyes, snorting, gasping . . .)

Was there something you wished would happen?

Would you recommend it to someone else to read?

Were there any glaring grammar errors?

Were there typos that threw you out of the moment?

Did the characters act naturally?

Did a character do or say something that you just don’t think he/she would do or say?

Did a character do something that you wouldn’t have foresaw but thought was very in character?

Did it feel real?

Did you get into the story?

What did you think of the dynamics between the characters?

What did you think of the imagery? Was it pretty? Dark? Too sketchy? Too long?

Was there a description that you thought didn’t matter or just didn’t care about?

Was there anything that reminded you of anything else?

What did you think is going to happen next?

Do you think there is anything going unspoken? What do you think it is? Why do you think it is unpoken?

~*~*~*~

Of course, not every bit you read requires an answer to each of these questions. They are merely a list you can think of when you are thinking what feedback I would like where it applies. If you tell me what you really think, I will never hold it against you. I will only be thankful that you cared enough to take the time to help me and believed in my writing enough that it was worth the time of reading and contemplating. Thank you.